I’m Emotionally Unavailable. What can I do about it?
Are you distant, disconnected or hesitant to share what’s going on in your head & on your heart with others? If you fear intimacy, are non-committal, get defensive easily, are not available and have difficulty empathizing you may come off as emotionally unavailable in your relationships. Emotional unavailability is usually a product of unprocessed experiences, grief, disconnection from our feelings, lack of self-trust or trust in others, among other things that contribute to shaping the way we see ourselves and the world.
So, you’re probably asking yourself, what can I do to be more emotionally available to the people around me and in my romantic relationships. Here are 5 things to consider.
#1 Identify your source(s) of emotional unavailability.
Maybe you were really hurt by a past relationship you never fully processed or you didn’t see a healthy model for relationships growing up. Whatever it is. Identify it and make an effort to start recognizing it comes up for you.
#2 Shift from blaming to naming.
Blaming others for our pain can feel really great in the moment but it can build anger and resentment. When we actually name how we felt during an experience vs. how someone else “made” us feel it can shift us from blaming to naming. This allows us to take ownership for our feelings and experience.
#3 Understand and connect to your own feelings, emotions, and behaviors.
One of the hardest parts of being emotionally unavailable is the disconnection from yourself. Starting to find ways to turn inward and gain a better understanding of how you feel about things through journaling, meditation, and movement can be helpful.
#4 Create an environment that supports the healthiest version of you.
Our environment and who we surround ourselves with plays a huge role in our development and growth. If you’re surrounding yourself with other emotionally unavailable people you may be stunting your own progress. Take inventory of your what environments you’re in regularly and if they are supporting you in the ways you need.
#5 Allow a professional to help you with exploration.
Outside perspective and curiosity is important. We are seeing our life through our own lens and sometimes we are just too close to it to look at things objectively. A professional can provide tools, insight, and curiosity around your emotional unavailability.
Emotionally unavailable people can feel challenging to connect with because they are so disconnected from their feelings, wants, and needs. For some people who grew up with an emotionally unavailable parent or caregiver, this can be attractive and familiar. If you or someone you know struggles with being emotionally available, these 5 areas are a good place to start your exploration in becoming more emotionally available in the future.